T

I'm continuing my search for a T. You think it's better to go to one of your colleges though it's my choice. Maybe it is better, for the reasons you told me. But I'm feeling so unimportant. I'm nothing to you, only work. You won't check your email outside workhours, not even to see if you got an email from me, knowing I'm not doing well. That how you do your job, but I need something more. I need to know my T cares about me and doesn't see me as just a paycheck. I don't need constant out of session contact. I barely have that. Only when things really don't go well. Though I don't even sent you an email during my worst moments, and there were many. I haven't even told you or Pdoc about it.

Most T's I've seen doesn't really appeal to me, only two so far. Maybe one of them could be a fit for me. Maybe. With one of them you can have a free get-to-know appointment. Maybe I should do that.
But if I go to another T, will I go back to you? I don't even know how long you'll be away. I know at least four months. I want you as a T, as long as I need a T. But my anger says I should cut you out of my life. Actually my anger says I should never go to any T again. They're bad for you.

It hurts to know I mean so little to you. Even to you're a good T and you give your attention to me in sessions (as far as I know), I'm just works. Even after a total of more than 3 years of therapy, I don't mean more than your other clients.