I thought this thread died...
Quote:
Originally Posted by ValentinaVVV
I was under the impression that you are BPD, OP.
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Can I confess I had actually been wondering about that myself?
There's a strange part of me that wants to have a disorder. It's messed up, maybe immature. But it can feel like, I'll take anything. Depression. Attention disorder. Anything. Tell me I'm not as normal as I sometimes fear I am. That's probably unhealthy by itself.
Yet the "fear" I associate with possibly being a narcissist is worry that I have or will hurt someone somehow, and not realize it. I know how selfish I am in relationships, I don't know how to have real ones. I basically latch onto someone who makes me feel good, willingly drinking in their affection and not really giving much in return...and not realizing it until afterwards. And I'm very guilt-prone, I will feel like a terrible person.
Indeed, I've been questioning lately just how capable of empathy I am. It occurred to me that the "auto-empathy" I would sometimes feel for people is more likely just guilt over not suffering the same way, and since that realization it's actually faded; I'm not bothered by things like I used to, not as intensely. My mom used to tell me I have no empathy or compassion, now I'm wondering if it's true - the thought of it makes me sick. Yet the ability to really "feel for" someone does kick in occasionally...I'll stop before I confuse myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Underground
Compelled to add. I think most people with NPD would never even invest time to diagnose themselves as they are the gods amongst gods(in their mind). Why would a god think they are disordered??? Only some of us unlucky ones know about what we are. The problems are greater when you realize that you are a case rather than a god. I sometimes wish I could go back a few years to when I thought I myself did not have a title based in a book. When I did and said things with zero contempt. When who I was was so much easier!!!! I have NPD and I searched for the answer. It is not wise to believe that a person with NPD would not be because they thought that of themselves. Just look at a few of us here. Ones who did the same!! I always knew something was off, just like many others who too believe that they are normal. We are who we are, thinking that something is off and finding out the truths are part of the travels for some while the lucky ones go to their death never knowing. Questions to be answered is which is better. Very conflicted at the moment...... To the op, if you sense something off then you are probably right with seeking answers, just know that when the truth is found it isn't always great. To be a narcissist, one who thinks and really feels superior to all, finds out they are disordered is just like oil and vinegar. They go together but never mix..... This is the same as my mind since finding my own truth!!!!
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Here's the thing: I've been called arrogant and been flat-out offended by it...because I've felt disordered and inferior for at least half my life if not longer. People who can self-validate normally and have actual, healthy self-esteem are basically aliens to me. Sometimes I wonder if they're really that perfect, because how else could they be so confident?
My concerns about narcissism seem more based in selfishness and obsessive self-focus - for the last couple of years I've been self-examining so frequently it feels like I don't even have unconscious thoughts anymore. If anything I seem to go in the opposite direction of what's bolded: regularly beating myself down. Once in a while I get a moment of lucidity and wonder if I'm just ploying for attention, it would explain why I'm so compulsively open online. Not being able to trust my feelings is kind of scary.
So I worry that I'm a narcissist not because I'm a god in my own mind, but because I'm so self-focused. Heck, I wonder even if my lengthy posts and frequent threads when my mind is overloading is similarly a sign of some exaggerated self-imposing.
Perhaps "limited information" is a valid concern.