I am not looking at medication as a first course of action here. I just want to get started in therapy before I spiral out of control. Today I feel as though that may be behind me. Contemplating calling for a trip to the ER (not right now, but making plans if it gets to that point) but it pains me to think of taking time from the people at emergency services when all I ****ing want is to start with a therapist before I get too deep.