OMG sorry for the curseword above is there any way to edit?

And sorry if I sounded angry in my replies basic goodness and Smile... I *AM* angry and frustrated but not at you people who are offering suggestions to help. I appreciate your replies. I'm in a place right now where my instinct seems to push people away when all I want right now is some human acknowlegement looking for that today IRL and just failing miserable.