Hi

I am reasonably new to PC though have been reading posts for a few months now trying to get a feel for the place. It is taking me a lot of courage to post this on such an open forum.

I have yet to be diagnosed with any dissociative disorder (DID mainly) but I am in the UK and diagnoses are surprisingly hard to get, they aren't needed for insurance purposes and psychs are generally reluctant to tell you what they think the problem is.

That said... I am not stupid and have known that something has been very wrong most of my life. Hmmm how to put this so as not to be triggery... I have a history of sexual assaults/abuse since I was 6 years old at which point I started "hearing a voice in my head". This voice was like my secret, an 'imaginary friend' that comforted me, kept me company when i was so alone and helped me to not think.

All I can remember is that over the years that I suffered at the hands of other people, more and more 'voices' appeared and I suffered severe depression and anxiety and dissociation. I was utterly ashamed and was aware this wasn't normal so hid it at all costs until one session during CBT (for anxiety) the therapist suggested we recorded a session of 'going over the traumatic event' and what was recorded was utterly bizarre to me, a young girls voice talking in present tense as if the trauma was still happening. We repeated this four sessions running and it was the same each time.

Ever since those traumatic CBT sessions about 5 years ago i have not only 'heard voices' that talk to each other, to me and run general commentary on my life but I lose time (an awful lot of time where my behaviour has been described as erratic and different to my own), I find myself in strange places (whether that's in a different room or a different town), I have a part that has a terrible habit of shoplifting small items, I have a part that is hellbent on causing my physical harm by self harming of overdosing or drinking heavily, there are the littles (the one who i have known since i was 6 and others) and there are also teens and even a few who are older, there was even a boy when i was younger but he disappeared and i think we kind of merged back together in my teens.

Most have names, they came up with their own names, one i suggested names until she agreed because she is mute.. others don't have names because they don't want them or because they aren't ready.

I disclosed all this to my therapist for the first time ever last Thursday and she wasn't shocked, she was actually really good and more curious which is something i can deal with. I am terrified for our next session as I left her with a list of names and who they are and what they are like and when they appeared etc

Hmmmm... what else to say... Well, I have been in and out of the wonderful (hahaha) NHS mental health services for many years and have several diagnoses of depression, generalised anxiety disorder and Schizoid/Avoidant Personality Disorders (please note that it is only *me* with these diagnoses not my others/alters) and most recently my psych tried to diagnose me as Schizotypal (it is different in the UK as its not seen as a personality disorder, rather as a milder form of schizophrenia) but that diagnosis is debatable now I have disclosed the fact i likely have DID etc...

Just thought I would introduce myself, I'm not sure on the rules of our 'others/alters' being introduced by name so I have avoided it.

I find it incredibly difficult to talk about myself but I find it much easier to answer questions if anyone is curious enough to ask any.

That's about it... oh yeah... I am also studying for my degree in Psychology

Nice to meet you alls