I feel like I shouldn't even be posting here, but I guess I just want to...

I've simply felt hopeless today; cried multiple times to vent at least some of it. It feels like every avenue for a meaningful existence is being systematically closed to me.

I'm not intelligent in any relevant way, I'm measurably and demonstrably not creative. I'm now seriously exploring the possibility that I have a personality disorder and lack empathy... so the possibility of a healthy, reciprocal, loving relationship is now out of reach; hell, even real friendships probably won't happen. And I'm lonely. I would LOVE to be able to truly, emotionally care for someone, but I can't. If I'm simply broken in the most fundamental way, and have nothing to compensate for it, why bother?

Sorry for the post.