i think you should e-mail her exactly what you said here. it perfectly explains what you are going through, and clearly your T wants to hear what is going on and can tell you are holding stuff back in session (which is fine, and normal).

My T has not ever been shocked or appalled at any suicidal thoughts i've had. she assess the risk of me actually doing it (which is very low), and doesn't shame me for having them, or make me feel crazy. She just listens, and may ask a question or two, and then we move on.