Let me start off by saying that while I only know you from your posts here, I like you. I really do. I'm going to say some things below that you might not want to hear - not because I think you are wrong; I don't think that. But because I have found that when I change the way I think about things I can find a way to be happier, and I very much wish you to be happier.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
I don't have to many real friends that I can count on for support most of the time, so that's part of the reason that I'm here. It seems like everytime I have an issue with someone, or I happen to feel uncomfortable in a social situation, my husband expects me to suck things up and put aside my own feelings of discomfort in order to fit in and be liked, ugh!
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I am not going to pretend that I know the reason he says this, but there is an argument to be made defending his position. You want to fit in and be liked. You want friends. Typically, people give up a little bit of themselves to fit in better. That is not to say that you do not have the right to be yourself - you absolutely do, but if you do not compromise some to fit in - you won't.
I'm not suggesting you compromise on your morals or values...but perhaps on some of your discomforts or preferences. For me, I'm not interested in doing that - but then, I don't want friends and I don't want to fit in or be liked. I have one friend - my wife, and I'm just fine with that. If your not, then maybe you'll find more success if you bend in safe ways.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
In the past, he'd tell me that I'm "weird" for not wanting to hug strangers. These people didn't just try to hug me, but they'd try to kiss me on both sides of the cheek as it's a cultural thing for them. By not liking this, and by trying to tell these people that I'd rather just shake hands or not hug, he acted like I'm the rudest and most thoughtless person ever. Don't I have the right to not do anything that makes me extremely uncomfortable?
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Yes, you have every right not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But it'll cost you. Your choice. Let's say I have an aversion to shaking hands. I'm not going to get far in a business career or as a politician. If my heart is set on a business career or as a politician, then I'm going to have to suck it up, put on my happy face and shake their hands. I'm also free to choose a different line of work that doesn't require (socially) shaking hands.
I can have anything I want - but I can't have everything I want. I have to make a choice. I absolutely hate being around people - loath it. When I was younger I had an opportunity to take a position in which I was paid over $100/hour - but I had to be social. There was another position open to me that didn't require me to be social - it paid minimum wage. I chose the money and did that work for twenty-four years. Every day after work I would go sit in a closet for two hours and detox from the contact. But it was my choice.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
It's not like I knew these people. I could suck it up for someone in his family maybe, but not people who are friends of friends, ugh, WTH? Also, he told me that people don't like me since I'm "weird" and "unfriendly". He has told me that in the past, ugh! I've had his stupid and rude friends ignore me after saying hi to me in the past so often, that I refused to see them ever again after that.
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Yep, it's true - people don't like 'different'. It's a fact of life. Again, we have a choice - play by societal rules or play alone.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
The lastest insult came yesterday when he claimed once again that I was "wrong", "weird", and being "stuck-up", "silly", and "unfriendly" just for not wanting to have my pic taken. I politely declined being in a group pic and he made it sound as if by not wanting to be in picture will make other people shun me and think badly of me.
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Well, he's right isn't he? That's exactly what happened - people talked about you behind your back, shunned you and thought badly about you. He's not wrong. And you're not wrong either - they are silly and judgmental and petty. But that's most people as you've figured out.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
Is he exaggerating or not? I think that his views are exaggerated and extreme. My feelings and needs don't seem to matter at all in group situations, so I have avoided them like the plaque for years!
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I don't think he's exaggerating. In a group we give up part of our identity to fit in with the group identity. When people refuse to compromise their identity in small ways for the group, the group tends to ostracize them. I'm not saying it's right - but it is what happens.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
Is he right in stating that I have to just suck it up regardless of my extreme discomfort doing certain things in social situations just to fit in and be accepted? I hope that he's wrong about this! Does anyone else agree or disagree with what he said? Or are some of you kind of in the middle of agreeing and disagreeing with some things?
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You are both 100% right. He is right that if you want to fit in, you'll have to suck it up; and you are right that you under absolutely no obligation to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
How do you react to social situations that make you very uncomfortable? If someone tried to kiss you on the cheek, and they were a stranger, or take your pic w/o even asking you first, or something like that, how would you respond to it? Would you say anything at all, or just suck it up and try to avoid placing yourself in those awkward situations again?
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When in Rome, I do as the Romans do - and make a point of not going to Rome.
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Originally Posted by Shy Introvert
I'd love to know what you guys think of all of this. I think that I have a RIGHT to how I feel, and that I'm not some stupid child who is soley there to do what other people want when they want. Even kids should be treated with similar respect as we have feelings too! And those feelings and boundaries should be respected at all times IMHO!
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You have a right to how you feel. Your boundaries should be respected. But they have a right to how they feel too - and it seems they feel you are too high maintenance to deal with.