</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Raynaadi said:

The problems each of us experience have within their own paramaters the solutions most fitting. And we each must discover those solutions, understand their appropriatness, and absorb them into the body of information that defines who we are and who we are becoming.

We learn experientially because only then is our reality significantly affected.
I .

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Hi,

I am a recovering addict, but not a substance addict, I also have a self disorder. I hope it will be ok, my sharing here.
I loved the above quote, and also some of the previous ones in this thread.

I just got back from being away and I had been thinking of sharing here in 3 and 11, and that got me through some difficult times.
I find holidays painful most often. I find relationshps so difficult and going alone also difficult because of feeling alone.
What happened was, I thought of some advice I had given someone here about detachment with love and then found myself submerged in out of control irritation and anger at something relatively irrational.
I thought "who am I to give that newcomer advice to detach with love? I dont do it myself when the heat is on, its so, so easy to say things likethat!" So, I felt I had to find out how to obey my own advice even just so that I could give some sort of example.
I had been following my companions in the car to visit a special spot, (Dylan Thomas's house ), and what I had been told was a 20 mile journey turned out to be 50, and I had to keep following. So, first to unstepp myself back from the anger, I asked what my part had been:
I didnt look at the map, I had handed over responsiblity. Then I had to keep praying the steps 1,2, 3, prayers over and over. So, when we finally arrived I was in just about fit state to have our riviving coffee at a sweet little tea shop in a seaside town without being in the grip of anger and spoiling everything. I realised as I got out of the resentment, that I had been in a completely mind altered state. I know these states have overwhelmed me all my life and I am coming to understand that is part of the disorder.
I was hanging on by a thread, but the thread was connecting me to my hp, it got me through the situation.

During the holiday, I was trying to behave differently to my usual patterns. I had some vigerous arguments. I am trying to stand my ground and stand by my truth more. I hope it is for the highest good. I have had so many years of abdicating what I believe for the other person's truth and that doesnt work either. I dont know if this friendship will survive, I am trying to grow and relate more honestly, and challenge others to be the best they can be. I know a lot of the programme says 'live and let live', I am trying to find a different sort of balance, but I am not sure I have found it!! It was quite uncomfortable at times.

I'm glad I went and I'm glad I'm home.

riverX