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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
Today was more of the same, abject depression and misery, zero motivation, self harm thoughts, suicide thoughts. I've been trying to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones - statements like depression can't hurt me, I'm worthy of staying safe, life is worth living, etc. I feel like I'm at war with my own brain. It's exhausting.
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How you & others who have lost spouses manage to muddle through, I have no idea. The concealing you describe hits home very hard. In three years I can count on two hands the number of times I've fessed up 100% to my therapist and pdoc. Fewer to my wife.
I had five months of ECT and learned that for the patients who responded to it the results were often dramatic. I wouldn't have believed the response could be so rapid until I talked with them and started looking into it. The percentge of people who got at least some relief was much higher than I'd expected. I don't know if it's typically so high, but I hope it works out for you.