Wait, what?! I'm like you... I joke that I'm "photo-phobic" (yes, I know that's not really what that means, but it's a way to lighten the mood). I think your husband is nuts here. Unless it was a meetup specifically for actresses, models, or others who would expect to be photographed, why on earth would he tell you to *expect* to be photographed at a meetup? That's not right! I don't go to meetups to be photographed, I go to do whatever the group is doing... play games, hike, watch a movie, etc.

So, that's just silly on his part. And, I agree with you... usually at meetups, you're meeting brand new people. Brand new people do not need to have a photograph of you (or me). You don't even have a real relationship with them.

The one exception that I can imagine is... brand new meetups might want to take group photos to advertise themselves. But, even with that, they absolutely should understand when you say that you don't want to be in it.

It's a boundary. It's *your* boundary. You're allowed to have boundaries! I've generally found that the people I get along with best in the world are those that have no problem respecting my boundaries, even if they think they're weird (and obviously, I try to reciprocate for them).

People that don't respect boundaries... well, if they can't respect something relatively simple like a request to not be included in photos, then I don't trust them to really respect much else. It's funny to me that people say, "it's just a picture, it's no big deal"... if it's no big deal, then why all the fuss about taking it!

Anyway... not sure if this will help you... I've read that people tend to be more easily persuaded when given a reason for something (any reason). I'm not on Facebook, and don't really do social media... so I tell people this, and then explain that I'm nervous about my picture being online, especially since I won't be able to see how it's being used. I don't know, for some people, that seems to give them something they can understand as a reasonable reason.

As I said, I'm the same way. Do you think there might be something in *how* you're saying no that makes you come across badly? It's been my experience that how I say something often has a greater effect than what I say, if that makes sense (for example, "Move your butt!" versus "I'm so sorry, would you mind squishing over just a bit... thank you!").

Maybe try a different group? For me, if a group was that adamant about pictures, I'd have to assume that it wasn't the right group for me.

I do get that this is hard. I run into in different places. I recently took a local class that was tons of fun, and had a great group of people in it. Unfortunately, the teacher set up a Facebook group for everyone to coordinate activities together outside of the class. I don't do Facebook. I thought very seriously about how to handle it, if I wanted to set up a FB account (or even a fake FB account), if I was OK missing activities, etc.

I decided I was OK missing some things, and instead made a couple of good friends with people in class. We coordinated activities between us via email. I might have had a better experience and more fun if I had been willing to bend on FB, but I wasn't, and I made that decision consciously.

Anyway... maybe try another group? Look for a low-key group that's been around for awhile, that hopefully isn't trying to get new photos for the meetup page .

Oh! Or you can do what a friend of mine tried... start your own meetup to make new friends. She had just moved, and set up a group to explore her new city... they went out, had yummy desserts, and tried fun places around the city. If you made your own group, you could perhaps set the tone to be more in line with your preferences (no gratuitous photography of unwilling humans!) and might find some kindred spirits.

Good luck...

(One more thing! A story. Awhile ago, I signed up for a class on writing/producing short films. How cool is that? When I got there, I sat up front... b/c I was so excited about the class. And... wouldn't you know it, the guy teaching had someone *filming* the class. OMG - no. He didn't even say anything about it, or ask if anyone minded. I spent the first half of the class holding a notebook up, and trying to slyly duck behind it. Midway through, I grabbed my stuff, pretended to go to the bathroom - and ducked out the exit. It seemed so rude to me that someone would decide to do that. They weren't filming from the back, focusing on the teacher, they were standing up front, panning the camera over the very small (~15 people) audience. Yuck. So, yup, I really can relate!)