Desperado, I know where you are coming from. I call it my abyss...it is deep and very dark. Over time, for may own sanity, I did find ways of talking myself through and out of the abyss. It was never easy, but I knew I had to do it. I have clung by the tips of my finger from the edge. Over time I have become better and better at resisting the abyss.

I don't indulge there much anymore. I am tempted often, and will stand at the edge and think about how dark it is and how I could just drop in and disappear from myself and everyone else for a while, but it would not be a good thing and I know it. So, I don't indulge myself.

You can do it too!

You mom's reaction to here re-occurance of cancer is understandable...mom watching out for her kid...but she WILL NEED you once the emotion of it all sets in.

So, get out of bed and get ready to be there for your mom!!