Hello Psych Central,

Yes, I DID read the "no suicidal posts, please" page. I am not in immediate danger of killing myself. I am however having "distant" thoughts of suicide.

I work with "immigration." (Not per se, but I don't want to disclose my exact job details, so "immigration" is the best metaphor to describe my job.) Growing up in the U.S., I always thought Americans gave me a hard time. But with this job, I've realized how rude immigrants can be. I get harassed all the time by immigrant customers and also by colleagues and managers who don't like my performance. Yesterday, one was so rude that I gave him a very "dirty look." You see, this is something I can get away with because most of them don't even know enough English to "report me to the supervisor."

That being said, I don't know how much longer I can take it. And, as a matter of fact, yesterday, after that rude person, I almost broke down crying! And guess what? NOBODY CARED. "Just do your job without complaining" seems to be the company culture.

Obviously, in today's economy, quitting is not an option until I have a new job lined up. I was a teacher in a tough school district with a lot of difficult, "wannabe gangsta" students, and NOT ONCE did I ever feel like breaking down crying (but of course, we all learn during teacher training never to either cry or blow up in anger in front of students, because both of those things undermine our authority). So perhaps I should go back into teaching for the 2016-2017 school year? Yet without a teaching certificate (it expired long ago), my only option is a private school, and I fear there are probably a lot of Master's degree holders competing for private school teaching positions. (That doesn't mean "Don't try," it just means I need to prepare for competition.)

Some of you might be thinking, "Well, at least you're making good money, right?" No!!! I would need an extra "zero" at the end of my paychecks to live comfortably after all my expenses. I don't know how I'm going to even afford therapy. I fear the day will come when I will threaten suicide at work and then get in trouble. They tell us during training, "If you vomit or have diarrhea, tell your manager and go home (so you can get better)." There is most likely NO employer out there that says, "If you're depressed and having thoughts of suicide, tell your manager and go home." Yeah, you can go home - and start looking for a new job . I just don't know what to do.