I feel like I'm entering a new phase of therapy with my T. I am starting to trust him, and today I was saying it felt like a secure attachment, which is weird because my attachment style is usually insecure.
In spite of boundaries being a major problem between T1 and I ( with whom I had an insecure attachment - which I think was mutual) T2 and I have never had a conversation about boundaries. The two particular times I felt rejected by T1 were around hugs and gifts. I felt like I didn't need that discussion with T2 because I didn't think I would ever want to hug him or give him a gift. Now I find myself fantasising about doing both!
I have noticed recently our interactions have shifted. I sent him a link to a poem I wrote, and he said he read some of my other poems on the site, which made me feel cared for, and also I felt like I was letting him into a part of my life he was seperate from. He has told me little extra things about himself (just like 'I bought that clock in my first year of private practice' -nothing big) but it feels meaningful in the context of our evolving interaction.
I always end the session dead on the hour, and I have told him it's because I don't want him to end the session because I fear that rejection, but the last couple of sessions I have gone over a couple of minutes before I've stopped. That in itself seems like a small test of his boundaries.
I don't know where this has currently come from and I want to make sense of it. I know I should talk to him about it (I have a week to wait) but I feel like turning up at the next session with a gift
I don't know how this relates to my training to be a T. I start seeing clients (as a trainee) in the autumn so the boundaries are perhaps blurring somewhat, at least subconsciously.
I wish I could figure out - why now? What does this desire mean?
Thanks for reading!