Quote:
Originally Posted by monalisasmile
Hi Echos Myron,
I can really relate to what you are saying because you describe the transition from an insecure to a secure attachment so well.
I found myself that when I had a t who could provide me with the safety and containment I needed I didn't need to test her boundaries because somehow I knew she could hold me. I think your t has held you in a similar way and no the transference has increased because he has begun to share and treat you as a trainee. Sometime I find with a lot of disclosures that I want to know more about t, is this a part of it for you? I don't find myself testing the boundaries as much now because t has met me every time I have tested her boundaries. She has never given up or gave out to me, she understands because she has been there.
Perhaps you are testing your t because you can't believe that he is still there for you and a part is trying to see if you can push him away!
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Thanks so much Mona. it's really helpful that you can relate to how I'm feeling at the moment. I don't think I feel the desire to know more about his life outside of therapy, but I do feel like I want to know more about him as he exists in our relationship. The nuances of his feelings towards me and the relationship. I suppose I'm at a crossroads about how I deal with that. Do I verbalise it or test it? The logical part of my brain says of course you discuss it, the other part says, wouldn't you get a more authentic answer if you tested it?
All that has been occurring at a subconscious level until it came to my awareness today when I suddenly visualised hugging him in session.
It's great that you don't feel the need to test the boundaries any more and trust her to hold your feelings. I suppose perhaps that's how I will feel once I've dealt with these last subconscious feelings?
Thanks for your good wishes.