Previously with other T's (all short term ones) I have, at one point or another, been annoyed at the T and not wanted to go back or missed sessions.

I haven't had a T for this long (about 30 sessions we have had), for a long long time (12 years), and I thought it was all going ok...

But today for the first time after our session I have felt like I didn't want to go back.

It wasn't a bad session, I was a little annoyed that she kept pushing me to talk about my job that I left 4 years ago. I tried to change the subject but she kept swinging back to it. I get that she wants me to find a place 'to thrive and fit in' but it isn't that simple and there were things that were more important to talk about- especially as we don't have a session next week due to the schools being closed for half term and we both have children.

I also needed to tell her that I had booked an assessment for ASC/ASD but I didn't get a chance- and now the likelihood is that I won't be able to ask her what she thinks or even get her input on the process as she knows me quite well.

Actually if I get the answer at the assessment then I will go to our next session knowing if the specialist has diagnosed me or not.

I know we have a sort of agreement that she will help me when I can't talk by asking questions but I was very much willing to talk and kept changing the subject as I didn't find it important.

I'm no good at saying anything negative because I worry that she will just tell me to find someone else

I probably will go back- but I didn't like the few hours I was figuring out what I will say about missing the session when our kids are back at school.

I don't want this to be the beginning of the end

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