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Iīve met with a new T 4 or 5 times now and Iīm already both frustrated and disappointed and I need to share it with someone here at PC. I try to list the things she did:
1. She didnīt ask me how I was but went directly to talk about that she had to reschedule a meeting next week. That made us spend several minutes before the meeting started on just checking our calendars. Instead of letting the secretaries arrange a new meeting.
2. Although it is a psyhodynamic therapy she holds some kind of "hidden agenda" to in some way support the rule system where she works. Itīs within the psychiatry and public mental health care and she has to do more of taking notes and filing papers than a private T.
She jumps between different subjects and it seems more important to her to get the "right" information than letting me speak of the things that bother me. Today she wanted me to speak about my childhood, of course I want that too, but not because of her demanding me doing so.
3. She takes notes way too much and I feel it prevents us for having a deeper contact.
4. She pointed out that the meeting got a bit longer than 45 minutes. When I checked the time it had only passed 3 or 4 minutes more than the scheduled time! That in a situation when she took several minutes to talk about a new meeting time!
5. She said that we could skip the meeting in next week when we had to search a bit to find a time that suited us both.
The thing is that she is the only T in this facility and itīs very hard to even get psychodynamic therapy within public health care. I donīt have anywhere else to turn and I also want to try a bit more, not giving up after that few sessions.
But still Iīm very disappointed and frustrated, I feel itīs a lot to be disappointed with in such an early stage in therapy. Of course I can talk to her about this but Iīm afraid sheīll kick me out of therapy.
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