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Originally Posted by substancelessblue
I'm kind of in a similar situation, and I'm sorry for what you're going through. If you don't cancel and go to the appointment, can you tell her you're feeling like pushing her away? Is it maybe that you're trying to push her away in the hope that she will push back harder, and actually prove she cares or has trust in you? I myself often test boundaries like that, and waiting for my next session I can see that's how it'll go down for me.
I wonder what she would say if you told her your thoughts about the cops being likely to be waiting for you. She might reassure you or find a way to keep you safe that would be less difficult for you. To be honest I know these difficulties with T's are some of the hardest, because they are supposed to be the one person we can trust. I wish you all the best.
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Sorry that you are having problems too.
I told her today that I was pushing her away and everyone else. She said she is relentless and not going anywhere.
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