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Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst
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I've been thinking on and off about empathy and love today in relation to this thread. Worrying I actually do lack empathy, or am incapable of actually loving another person. I guess...I have almost nothing in life. Nothing I enjoy, nothing that makes me happy or fulfilled, no one to care about (the one screw-up relationship I had was actually a great feeling, even if it was likely to be short lived), and I'm a master at convincing myself not to try. So I worry, I feel broken, and I just sort of drown it in mindless internetting.
It's getting old, and it occurred to me today that I'm really losing a lot - including a number of mental and emotional things that made me myself. I want the damn life I never started.
And yeah, being broke and dependent just makes everything worse.
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Sounds really tough and although I am old (that's one thing I like about the internet, people are just people!) I can really relate.
Have you looked at the definition of OCPD? I probably had that before my late husband died and I fell apart. And OCPD is, of the PD's, generally pretty functional. Lots of things you can do jobwise with those tendencies, although there are drawbacks, too . . .
I like the way you write -- clear and analytical. Although I was thinking about challenging several illogical or all-black statements in your Recession thread. If you like, I can go back and do that? Maybe they stick out to me because, well. . . it takes one to know one?
Loss. . .I numbed mine out most of my life. I noticed that your mood was listed as "numb". I believe that it's a way to keep functioning despite pain but it has its price. . .So at some point maybe you'll get a chance to do some decent therapy with someone who knows what they're doing. At 21, there is still plenty of time for you to get started on the d. . . life. I'm so much older it's embarrassing, but I'm still working on it. I have some friends now and some other stuff is working. But gee golly whiz has it been hard. Hopefully they'll be getting some better therapy techniques soon. They're better now than they were years ago.
Keep on keeping on, one foot in front of the other, is my motto. Even though sometimes it's well. . . very hard.