for me, i have seen my psychiatrist for 12 years. every time i go, i am super anxious which can cause a degree of dissociation too. if i talk about something that is hard to talk about too, that can make it worse. it could be a combination of those two things for you. it is hard for me even after so long to talk to my psychiatrist in general.

during the more difficult things, i have experienced what you have too, except i don't know what is being said. the last time that happened, i was talking and then something else in a different tone was said and then something else in another different tone and then it was me talking again. when the other ones came out, i felt really far away. now thinking about it, i remember it more like seeing my body from above/beside almost. i hadn't experienced that much except the last few sessions where i went into more detail about certain things, but it was very strange.

i am also not able to remember a lot of detail of sessions, just vague things. i cannot journal either. it is like part of me blocks it for some reason which is weird because i can write here fine.