I've not been able to read posts but I've had a few asking how I'm doing so I thought I'd update very quickly. Tonight is, I think my first without Seroquel and I'm on 75 mgs of Clozaril in the morning and 50 at night today. I will be up to 175 mg by Tuesday and they plan to send me home around then if I'm doing ok.

At the moment I'm not leaving my room much and am effectively excused from groups, nearly unheard of up here. But any noise agitates me despite ever growing doses of gabapentin (now I'm on 600 mg twice a day and 800 at bedtime plus I have PRN doses of hydroxyzine and klonopin (which I haven't used lately).) That is a huge amount when I've been sensitive to it in the past. So I lay in bed a lot. I cried for a very long time this afternoon when a group leader jumped on me for saying what I've said to all of them, that I might not tolerate it and would need to sit in the back where I could get up and move if needed. He lectured, I cried, another patient removed me from the room. He was a big jerk and usually he's one of my favoriite people. I'm sensitive but he was a jerk for real.

Otherwise not much to say. I feel terrible, time will improve it. They've let me dictate to some extent how fast I've tapered and that's been good b/c I've gone as fast as allowed. Hoping the current resident is the one who takes over this unit. he's excellent.

Gotta get away from TV. I had the room to myself and turned it off for a minute but visiting ended and everyone came in here. Time to isolate some more. I miss my cats and my bed and my quiet home in the woods. And sleeping in a dark, forested home instead of the hospital with lights under the beds. My roommate left today and I'm scared that a replacement would be very hard; she was perfect and the next could be loud or snore or something and I would have a hard time not being a very cranky person. I AM a very cranky person but I usually don't show it.

Miss you all.