My T has commented on my appearance. At first I liked it. Then I didn't. I did have some feelings for him, but then it got clearer that I was falling for something that I didn't want, couldn't happen, and am still not sure that he doesn't feel that way somewhere, hiding it I suspect.

I finally told him straight out that I did not like any comments on my appearance, that I was there for therapy, not to be admired for how I looked, was not "in love" with him, was not even attracted.

It is often a two-way street. People who work closely get attached. That can blur boundaries, make things complicated. (I've posted elsewhere about some of the complications.)

Once I was very direct and clear with him, he stopped. I still notice that he is looking at me in ways that give me a sense that he's "checking me out," but I just ignore it. Focus on the real work. He is sensitive enough to kinda get it.

In some types of therapy, erotic feelings are part of it; they are even encouraged to work through other things. I have done some of that, but realized it was a waste of time and money to have therapy about the therapy.

There are too many serious things going on to have him be the center. I have to remind myself that I pay him to be of service to me. I'm not there to entertain him, be seduced (metaphorically), be enticed into his world. I'm his boss. He has to do what I say. As clients, we sometimes forget that we are really in charge and just follow what the T says or does. It's not that I don't take his ideas in and consider them, but I'm not going to just follow because he is the supposed expert. Clients are the expert, the problem-solvers, the ones who make the change. The T has little to do with what makes for change. The relationship matters, but a therapy relationship, not a personal relationship.