Hi everyone,
I haven’t been diagnosed yet- in which I suspect a few illnesses from the research I’ve done and stories I’ve read. However, I thought I would see my GP on getting diagnosed in two weeks, it’s fairly complicated, as much as I would like her to diagnose me, I’ll probably have to see a psychiatrist or Psychologist ideally as its more emotional, I’m not hallucinating or having flippy mood swings (I reworded the obvious as best as possible).
I have physical sickness, although I’m usually fine on heart medication (which has no side-effects as its been lifelong) it doesn’t feel right getting a mental diagnosis, and I won’t be able to go on other medication and I could be misdiagnosed which would freak me out even more.
Some background information is we (family) moved around a lot for various of reasons and the most remote places for a couple of years, I’ve been to so many terrible schools and met terrible people and I’ve settled in a more civilised city maybe.. for 3-4 years?. So obviously some of my past has plagued me.
But here’s the kicker, what really made my life a living hell, is that my brother has Asperger’s syndrome, my parents had been controlling and has some mental issues as well due to their past lives as kids. So I’ve always been emotionally strong?- I suppose, more rational. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family to bits but I also want to tear them to bits. In real world situations I mostly made the decisions without much support, but then there are moments when they are really beautiful.
Lately my little brother who is an adult been more out of control, which is very angry and violent. I’m just about to get some work and I’m also doing university, and all my parents can do is to have a go at me all the time!. I’m usually passive and don’t say anything back, but recently I had a massive blow-up with my brat brother for some trivial reasons, hence my parents lash out at me and ‘I need to be mature’. Seriously, they can have their problems and react much more badly (I intervened plenty of times when they punched each other) then I did. I was so angry that I stayed over the hotel for a couple of nights and came back. Which gave me time to think about the diagnosis thing.
I recognized depression before teenage years, and a little older was anxiety. However I seem to qualify for inattentive ADD which makes some sense as I drift off to another world and can’t focus on stuff I don’t like- which I thought about that just recently. Most of the symptoms seems to associate with PTSD, most noticeably dissociation/derealisation- the one that times seems to slow down. I can’t exactly pin-point which stage of my life was the most traumatizing, to recap the long message- I’ve moved around a lot and met bad people and have a complicated family, I can’t help but feel it was another situation much which should be another topic for later really. There is no question in this, I’ll like to hear some advice and stories.