I dunno if this is the right place to post but I'll go ahead anyway.

I'm a 24 year old male. I don't have any disorders but I have had low self esteem issues since I hit puberty I think. I'm currently seeing a therapist at my college because of that and in one of my recent sessions, I realized that I have two voices in my head. One Tells me I don't deserve to be happy or there's no point in being happy. But this is ironic since I'm seeing a therapist right now so clearly my subconsciousness tells me I want to be happy.

I consider myself a unlikable person, I believe girls will never love be as a romantic partner(I used to think this was a irrational belief but these days it's starting to feel rational ) I am not grateful to be born into this world in fact, I wish my mom aborted me when i was in her womb.

This is my condition right now. Getting to the point, all these thoughts led me to ask a philosophical question.

Why do we deserve to be happy(or whats the point of it)?

I feel it's a lot easier to be depressed and miserable so why go through the trouble to try and be happy and enjoy life?

What are you guys' opinions on this? Some might say everyone is special and deserve happiness just by existence alone. But I disagree, I see no point in thinking oneself as special when others don't look at you that way.