Hi all..... I've read the initial post and all that followed. In every one there is an element of identification. I have posted on this forum and elsewhere many times of the situation I went thru. After a VERY long marriage , ( and having "known" my ex-spouse for over 45 years ), I wound up in a divorce.

It is devastating for anyone who has feelings and has been betrayed.
Turns your whole world upside down. My whole perception of life itself has been changed. But the one thing that will never change is my CORE self and my empathy for others , sympathy , wanting to do the "right thing" despite it being detrimental to myself. Because this ******* has FEELINGS !

There's no question that I have, and have had, many problems coping with many different issues within myself. Living with me is hard , but living with her was not so easy either. Actually she turned out to be worse than all the other hurt I accumulated other than from her.

Regardless , I never could do to my worst enemy what has been done to me by , and I'm sorry if I offend anyone , a person who I have now just realized has a NPD.
Now adding to all the good things that have already been said , my own experience with this situation is this :

1. Unless the person comes to you and says they are sorry , or sick , or have made a mistake and genuinely want to try and save the marriage or relationship , and agrees to go to counseling together with you , ( plus more ), then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE. It could end very badly for you if you decide to go toe to toe with a psychopath.

2. Try and get out as quickly and easily as possible. They think 10 steps ahead so your going to have to think 20 steps ahead.

3. The longer it stretches out because of money , children or ANY issue , the worse off you will be. You can't win against a Narc or just plain egotistical , self centered , doesn't care about you scum.
4. Bottom line is you will never get the truth , and you can never trust them again . And they will try to bury you. Before , during , and after the breakup.

There is no more "Till death do us part". It's now , "Till I get all I can out of you and find someone else". When you are at a point to be able to think back, you will probably realize all the little clues that just FLEW over your head and didn't realize it.

If anything , I have now learned that if you don't put yourself first , you will finish last. Do I sound bitter and angry ? Your damn right I am. Because I'm still in the process of debriefing my mind as to WTF happened !

Get all the support you can , and if your religious , pray a lot, for your sanity , for understanding , and for a life yet to be lived without toxicity all around you.