I feel like I am constantly on a roller coaster. I can be fine for weeks at a time, feeling decent and okay. Then I get to the peak and there is a long way down. The down is not instant. It takes a couple of days to sink in. A couple of days for me to say to myself "I am not okay". I would have to say that it has taken me about a week now to realize that I am not feeling ill because I have a bug. I feel ill because my depression constantly makes me feel as if I am going to throw up every where. I would like the think that I have a good support network. But my anxiety just makes it out like I am all alone. The worst part is, I care so much about what other people think. I was perfectly fine earlier today, not feeling the best, but making it. Then I started talking to my boyfriends sister about plans this weekend (I do not have any) and she really started to make me feel awful about my relationship. We are going through a lot right now. Its a long distance thing, so we do not get to see each other very often and do not get to talk often either. Which, normally we are fine with. We enjoy spending time together when we can. But then she starts talking like it is the most awful thing in the world and that it just cant work out between us. We have been together for four years, he traveled abroad and we made it out just fine. We have been fine. But because she has planted this little seed of doubt in my mind, I have had two panic attacks today. I really wish that I did not over think these kinds of things. It has been so bad that I had to call into work because I am getting so emotional over nothing. But now that I have no one to talk to, I am feeling more alone than ever. I have tried writing a blog, writing in a diary, talking to my family, but none of it really works out for me. I am just at my wits end. I am so tired of this up and down business. Or at least at a smaller scale. I am just over it.