im at my mom's house which is beside the town that all the stuff happened with my former T. i wanted to pay some website to look up his current address and go by his house. i didnt do that but i did drive around that town and drove by his old office building wehre the stuff happened and i was even looking around to see him. i really dont understand myself and the reason behind all of this. what am i looking for??? if i actually did see him i would probably run away and the dissociate far far away for a long time. i think im trying to make things worse for myself by doing this...like a self destructive thing. ive just been hurting a lot lately.. and im not really taking good care of myself. i had an emergency session with my T yesterday. im glad he let me see him... i told him thank you for seeing me and he said thanks for asking. i was so nervous to ask because i wasnt sure. anyway... im glad i didnt try to find former Ts house, i think that would have been a bit much... but i am confused about my behavior tonight, driving around to places looking for him