I'm looking back at my relationships and realize that there was one particularly chaotic. This was around the time that my symptoms started flaring up. He struggles with depression as well as Dependent Personality Disorder with Avoidant traits.
I would sleep with other guys and tell him about it. I went out, did drugs, and talked to him under the influence (I knew this made him uncomfortable, worried, and upset). I verbally abused him. I got physically abusive as a result of a delusion I was experiencing. I broke up with him and made amends and ended up in bed with him the next day. His friend hated me and continuously told him to break up with me, but he just couldn't. I kept pushing him and pushing him to find where his line was, but he just wouldn't end it.
His therapist told him that I likely had borderline personality disorder, but he told me he didn't believe her. (I'm never sure if he really believed it or not since plenty of other times I've asked his opinion on something and he just went with what he thought I would think.) I've never been diagnosed with BPD, although I know comorbidity rates are high.

I know some of my behavior is because of sza, but I feel guilty about some of it because a lot of it was when I was asymptomatic. I don't really know why I did it. I'm preparing myself to apologize to him because I feel like I really ****ed him up.

Partially just venting, but also looking to hear from others on the topic.