Quote:
Originally Posted by precaryous
Comments/observations wanted and accepted. But I am feeling fragile- please don't yell at me. Please couch any criticism with kindness, ok? Ok?
I'm having kind of an argument with T. It's all mixed up about who is responsible for boundaries. I know legally she is responsible...but I told her I can't trust her to be responsible for *all* the boundaries. I've trusted other Ts to be ethical and to keep good boundaries...and things turned out almost as bad as they ever could! No!
It's all mixed up with the anniversary of the psychiatrist abuse...and how I blurted out my boundary to her..that I don't want her to "fall in love with me"- which I don't believe she would do...I just had to SAY it so I knew where *I* stood on the matter...and for HER to understand how I felt about the matter.
She seemed sad when she asked, "Have you been worrying about this?"
I am so sad! Now I think she thinks, "Ick!!" ...or is mad...or is worried about me saying I do not entirely trust her for certain things..No, I don't entirely trust ANYONE......and yes we will talk about this Saturday.
I say, we BOTH get to set boundaries...not just HER!
Like I said...this all bubbled up because of the anniversary of the past therapist abuse...and I'm not letting that happen to me EVER EVER AGAIN!
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I'm so sorry you are hurting.
I will just say that if my T said that in a sad manner, it would mean that she hurt for me. That it hurt her to know I'd been wounded badly enough to have that fear. Possibly also that she felt bad she had not recognized my fear. It wouldn't mean she was grossed out or angry. She may be troubled that you are afraid she'd do something so unethical---ts are human and mine is occasionally hurt that I think she might treat me abusively.
But that doesn't make it wrong to say it. If you can't say whatever you think in therapy where can you say it?
Try to keep in mind that YOU are probably feeling very ashamed and angry on this anniversary. Its possible your T meant nothing bad and you are simply interpreting her comment through the lens of your own anger and shame...