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Originally Posted by QuietMind
Hugs to you.
I'm going through similar grief on how my T can't be my older sister (my older sister was parentified though she wasn't nurturing) or an idealised caregiver-figure.
It's hard. Wishing you well.
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Thanks, QuietMind. I'm sorry you're going through something similar. I wish you well too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by growlycat
Your T does care about you though I know how painful it can be that they can't fill a role in the past. Long Term T once told me that therapy recreates the "essence" of good parenting even though it can't replicate old needs in detail. Think of it as love distilled to its most important parts.
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Thanks, Growly. I know you're right but it's hitting me hard again. You'd think I'd stop wanting what I can't get from my T by now, and I've been pretty much okay with the reality, but then wham! One of my parts, or more, is trying to get my T to be like my Mom. I thought I was an adult when my mother died, and technically I was. The problem is that she still took care of me in a lot of ways. This need to tell the details is a big deal for me. No one else wants to hear them and respond to them. My T is there for me and is very special, but I need to grieve more for my Mom. T says we do that our whole lives; it doesn't matter how old I am now! My H's death probably is triggering me thinking about my Mom. It's all rather depressing to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cinnamon_Stick
At times I am in the same boat. Its a very painful hopeless feeling to want your T to be your mom or fill an important role in your life. I feel for you. I also know what its like to write long emails and get a short response when you are hoping for more and you are struggling.
Something that has really helped me is really seeing the relationship I have with my T in a new perspective. I see her as a maternal figure. I told her this in my last session and she said that she is not my mom but I get pieces of it from her. I have internalized her as a maternal figure. I know we have a professional relationship and it feels really healthy. She is right, I do get maternal pieces from her and that makes me happy.
I know your T cares about you. It might help to talk about this with her. I was scared to death to mention it to my T but it really helped and I feel better about it.
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Thanks, Cinnamon. I have talked about it with my T because that's what started the hand holding; the child part wanted to be comforted, and who comforts a child? Mommy. My T acts as a better mother in a lot of ways, because she is calm whereas my Mom was anxious. My T is happy when I'm happy, and tries to raise my self-esteem. She's just NOT my Mom, and I never realized how many years I've been without a mother. I started therapy when my Mom died, and never stopped, yet I never let myself grieve much. I'm sorry I'm taking my thread in this dismal direction, but when I told T I still can't believe my H is dead, she said, yes, it's hard to get our head around that. It's even harder to realize my mother was dead for most of my marriage and raising my kids. That sucks!
Quote:
Originally Posted by spring2014
hi rainbow,
I feel that way too. my therapist is not my mom too. even though she has that motherly instinct inside of her and the being an experienced registered nurse she has those qualities of a therapist who cares about me . she can sense that if something is wrong with me she can tell by my messages that I leave on the voicemail at the office or when her receptionist takes the message down for her .I knew it tonight that she didn't call me back up .knowing that she and I will discuss it tomorrow afternoon when I see her for my appointment with her.
Diagnosis: Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the morning
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Thank you, spring. It sounds like you have a wonderful, caring T.
I want to update the part about my T not emailing back. At the session, she told me she thought she did respond to one of my long emails. I checked and there wasn't anything. This morning she sent me an email that was in her "draft" section. She apparently forgot to send it. That email was just what I had been missing, and it was so thoughtful of her to send it to me after the fact. She tries so hard to accommodate me, and now I feel a little guilty. She doesn't have to respond to my emails, especially since she told me how busy she is. But she takes her job seriously, and knows how important the response is to me, even if it's only a few lines about what I wrote. Responding to the details, like my Mom used to do.
T thinks I'm growing and changing so I suppose her emailing me is all right. I'm still a work in progress, and her being there for me is necessary. I may always need her, as a "sort of" Mom to cheer me up or cheer me on, for the rest of my life, or as long as she is still working.
I guess I needed to get all that out.