Not sure how I managed tto be better and worse in the same day. My...chest cold, or whatever it is, is getting better, and I went and did some grocery shopping, and I've started eating more normally again.

I also just curled up with a pillow and cried for almost 15 minutes. In the last couple hours I found myself rehashing old thoughts about how I'm so shallow and stupid I can't even do depression right. I'm full of guilt and fear, and I've lost most semblance of drive at last. But mostly I'm just lost and empty and I want someone to hold me. Maybe being sick is making me sadder.