Hello Prada. I am sorry that you are struggling at this time. Expressing yourself is hard when you also have a mental health disorder compounding the problem. Is there low income agencies in your county or state that offers lower cost mental health treatment?. It is very hard to help yourself without professional help especially when there is a chemical imbalance involved in your disorder which usually means that med compliance is one of the stabilizing factorials in treatment. Support Groups help as well if there are groups in your area, they can help you feel less isolated and alone, when you are having an episode or a confusing moment in your life. There is also a chat room here at Psych Central and you are welcome to come and chat when someone is in the room or PM someone you would like to chat with in the chat room. Please take care and stay safe if possible. Soidhonia