Hello Alice'sCheshire: I see this is your first post. Welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. Many of us here struggle with thoughts & feelings such as you describe in your post. So you are among kindred spirits. The more you post here on PC, & reply to other members' posts, the more connection to the community you will develop. I wish you well...