I think I posted here that I have been very scared/ dreading this week. My therapist J is gone on vacation, part of last week and all of this one. I have been seeing her twice a week, every week for over a month now. Before that I was going once a week. She is almost always available by phone, even after hours. (No wonder she needs a vacation!)

I was terrified of going cold turkey. I know I am way too dependent on her. She has brought it up. On the right meds and some therapy work, I no longer feel desperate enough to need to call her after hours. I am going back to once a week appointments next week.

Still the very thought of this week made it hard to breathe. I am more than halfway through her vacation and I am doing pretty well. I am really surprised at myself. I dealt with several very triggering possible experiences. I talked some of it out with a family member and thought them out myself. Then I dealt with them. I went on a mini four day vacation, using a day I normally use for appointments.

J says it doesn't matter if she is proud of me or not. That I don't need external validation. So, I am very proud of me.