I'm sorry you are feeling so desperate. The feeling is certainly familiar to me though. I don't know as I have any particularly useful suggestions for you. In my case, when I have felt this way, I just kept muddling along until the despair eased... except that in a couple of cases my despair ended in periods of involuntary hospitalization. I always imagine that if I could just find something that I simply love to do, regardless of anything, it might carry me over the difficult times. I'm an older person though, & the amount of time I have left to find such a thing is getting shorter-&-shorter. I've been doing increasing amounts of reading recently with regard to Buddhism. I don't know if this is the vehicle I'm seeking or not. Time will tell...