Gotta say, …. Sure sounds like borderline you're describing there, escapeartist… relationship chaos, doing impulsive things that you knew made him uncomfortable, worried and upset, breaking up, then flying right back into it, and most of all….pushing him and pushing him to find where his line was, but he just wouldn't end it.

Having been on the receiving end of BPD intentionally uncomfortable/worry/upset-making words and actions, I've found that they almost invariably coerced me into a given response (which is one of the reasons BPD folks are perceived as manipulative.). Yet I would be told by them that they were only trying to express their desperation (about whatever). It's a maladaptive behavior, and I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb to say that it falls under the umbrella of "testing", which is very much what you describe in pushing and pushing to find where his line was. And testing is all about the abandonment thing.

Having said that, my real point is that we are kind of discussing a couple different things. There is provoking someone through using intention and button-pushing, and there is "fallout" from episodes. To me, they are not the same. So when you ask if we've ever been abusive as a result of BP, I can't really answer that without making that distinction. I don't do anything that would be abusive with intention of getting anything from it. Or with intention and button-pushing period.

Flipping my **** is not a consistent feature, it's tied up with episodes (especially mixed). Far and away, the most common thing I do in such times is throw things. And scream from the sheer intensity of it all. I generally don't involve other people on a personal basis. And I sure don't do it on purpose. I don't really think that the times when I do lose it on someone, it is so much the BP as it is throwback (when I'm too overwhelmed to use better skills) to what was modeled to me in childhood . BP episodes can make me arrogant, obnoxious, abrupt, and yes, even explosive thanks to agitation. And when agitated, prone to respond to provocation.

But I'm not totally comfortable with calling that abuse. Regardless, I don't want to pawn it off by blaming the BP (as in the thread title "abusive as a result of"). Various states can make it harder to control ourselves, and the BP can help explain things, but we're still responsible for our actions. If I do veer into abuse for whatever reason, or even simply behave badly, I'm usually quick to apologize. It's embarrassing how out of control I can get. But BP doesn't make me abusive.