At the world in general and, specifically, the mental health profession and “professionals”, people who, like my T, want to “help people” and, of course, be respected members of society and get very well paid in the process!

Finally, after 6 years with her, I’ve made some significant progress with personality and dissociative disorders that previous therapists either didn’t recognize or know how to help with – in other words they weren’t a good “fit” because they couldn’t recognize or help with what was going on with me or refer me to anybody who could!!

When I started with her, and several years previously even, I was upset about this but I knew that I had to get “better” before I had a chance of trying to communicate about how absurd and hurtful the “system” is.

Several months ago I wrote about some of this and was considering writing a blog about the process of “getting better” but that’s not really where my “heart” is. Unfortunately, I’m still just mostly pissed. My therapist says that I need to “grieve” all the lousy, unhelpful, harmful therapy that I have gotten over the years. And a life that, now that I’m “better”, I see no point in. A life that I didn’t/couldn’t make, a me that didn’t participate very effectively, and the biological reality that the time is almost up.

My therapist says that the system is broken but that is outside her boundary. She is only interested in trying to help the people who show up at her door. Yes, it’s great if and when she can. . . but part of the reason that she helped me, I believe, is that I put everything I had into the process including interpretations of psychological theory which I researched and then applied to my own situation.

Arghhh. . . I’m close to dying (well, life expectancy-wise, not anything specific). I’m think I’ve got some good ideas – I’m a geek and that’s what we do, if we find a way to be a part of society, which I still haven’t much. Not being a part of society, not finding ways to “fit in”, is the residual of the personality disorder. Chicken and egg – I can’t contribute and participate if I don’t fit in and I didn’t fit in because of the personality disorder.

I’m so tired of failure and rejection – and still don’t know how to be effective in trying to communicate my ideas. Yet the urge goes on. . .

Anybody else interested in discussing ideas and theories about psychology and how, from the inside, we think they could be used better to help us and other people?