Oh what a horrible time since session today. I really thought we might be able to start fixing some of these ptsd problems but after today, I feel like it isn't ever really going to happen and start little life I think I have left is going to be just like the rest of my past life. . No hope for any level of happiness.

I'm not bipolar, but I am sure at a massive low and even thinking about wanting to give up therapy. I have been this way since I was a young child and after 40 years of age, this t 'accidently' came across my path and gave me the hope to give therapy a chance and see if there was a chance at a different life. He is the only person I have ever trusted and talked to but right now it all seems futile and like I am just dragging him and others down with me for no good reason. I don't think we are going to make anything better and don't know why I keep trying. Yes I do, he is the ONLY person that has ever made me think I might have a chance for something different and even made me wonder a couple of times if it might be ok for me to be happy.

Sorry for the sob story, but I typed a text to my t telling him about this and thinking i should quitt, but i made myself erase it. Tried to go to sleep, then took extra meds and still can't fall asleep and decided to spill it here. This is about as hopeless as I can get. I don't want to be alive, but can't do anything about it either as that's not a possibility for me. I just don't know.