Hello here today: Thanks for this Thread. I appreciated reading it. It sounds like you're an older person. I am as well (67). Although I've struggled with mental health issues my entire life, everyone around me just ignored them my entire life (& they still do.) As long as I didn't make trouble, everyone was perfectly happy to just pretend everything was just fine. And for my part, I've been a master of denial. I've written elsewhere that if denial were blankets, I'd have been crushed by the weight. I managed to hold myself together until I began to unravel in my early fifties when it all began to unravel.

I related to your comment about being pissed. Truth-be-told, I'm angry as well. But I'm mostly angry at myself for allowing my entire life to go down the tubes, so to speak; and for all of the damage I did to other people as a result. And in fact it seems like, lately, my anger is becoming more palpable. Perhaps there is a sense in which I still need to grieve as well...

As I look back over my life, I have concluded that no good has ever resulted from me having anything to do with anyone. So at this point, although I am married, I otherwise keep to myself. By choice I have no friends or even acquaintances really, & no extended family. So maintaining solitude is easy. I've seen a few therapists over the years to no avail & I still technically have a pdoc. At this point, I only touch base with him once a year just to keep my foot in the door, so to speak, in case things go back down hill again in the future. I don't have much use for mental health professionals. I guess some people are helped by pdocs & T's. But none of it has been of much benefit to me.