Let me start off by saying that while I only know you from your posts here, I like you. I really do. I'm going to say some things below that you might not want to hear - not because I think you are wrong; I don't think that. But because I have found that when I change the way I think about things I can find a way to be happier, and I very much wish you to be happier.


I am not going to pretend that I know the reason he says this, but there is an argument to be made defending his position. You want to fit in and be liked. You want friends. Typically, people give up a little bit of themselves to fit in better. That is not to say that you do not have the right to be yourself - you absolutely do, but if you do not compromise some to fit in - you won't.

I'm not suggesting you compromise on your morals or values...but perhaps on some of your discomforts or preferences. For me, I'm not interested in doing that - but then, I don't want friends and I don't want to fit in or be liked. I have one friend - my wife, and I'm just fine with that. If your not, then maybe you'll find more success if you bend in safe ways.


Yes, you have every right not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. But it'll cost you. Your choice. Let's say I have an aversion to shaking hands. I'm not going to get far in a business career or as a politician. If my heart is set on a business career or as a politician, then I'm going to have to suck it up, put on my happy face and shake their hands. I'm also free to choose a different line of work that doesn't require (socially) shaking hands.

I can have anything I want - but I can't have everything I want. I have to make a choice. I absolutely hate being around people - loath it. When I was younger I had an opportunity to take a position in which I was paid over $100/hour - but I had to be social. There was another position open to me that didn't require me to be social - it paid minimum wage. I chose the money and did that work for twenty-four years. Every day after work I would go sit in a closet for two hours and detox from the contact. But it was my choice.


Yep, it's true - people don't like 'different'. It's a fact of life. Again, we have a choice - play by societal rules or play alone.


Well, he's right isn't he? That's exactly what happened - people talked about you behind your back, shunned you and thought badly about you. He's not wrong. And you're not wrong either - they are silly and judgmental and petty. But that's most people as you've figured out.


I don't think he's exaggerating. In a group we give up part of our identity to fit in with the group identity. When people refuse to compromise their identity in small ways for the group, the group tends to ostracize them. I'm not saying it's right - but it is what happens.


You are both 100% right. He is right that if you want to fit in, you'll have to suck it up; and you are right that you under absolutely no obligation to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.


When in Rome, I do as the Romans do - and make a point of not going to Rome.


You have a right to how you feel. Your boundaries should be respected. But they have a right to how they feel too - and it seems they feel you are too high maintenance to deal with.