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cashart10 · Feb 13, 2016, 08:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

When I did carry one it was all writing. Mostly when I was depressed so they were rather dark. Poetry and stuff. They actually got me in a lot of trouble and I ended up in IP because of the things I wrote. Not fun.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 150mgs
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 600mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

I have kept a journal on and off for years. However, as you, I learned to restrain.

Possible trigger:

My mom was worried (well, she didn't just suspect it; she knew it) I was suicidal when I was in high school so she went through ALL my ****! In my journal I had writings in my blood, prayers to demons, suicidal song lyrics such as Pink Floyd's "Goodbye Cruel World." I had tons of suicidal ideation and even suicide notes. It was very, very dark and since I was so young it never occurred to me to be so cautious. My mom took it upon herself to burn everything that was perceived (and some that actually was) evil. I was embarrassed, humiliated, scared and resentful. But, I would do the same to my child if I suspected they were suicidal.

It did not lead to a hospital visit but it did eliminate my own room and kept me basically on lockdown. I don't ever want to experience that again regardless of how unwell I am.