My Support Forums - View Single Post

ComfortablyNumb5 · Feb 13, 2016, 08:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cashart10

I have kept a journal on and off for years. However, as you, I learned to restrain.

Possible trigger:

My mom was worried (well, she didn't just suspect it; she knew it) I was suicidal when I was in high school so she went through ALL my ****! In my journal I had writings in my blood, prayers to demons, suicidal song lyrics such as Pink Floyd's "Goodbye Cruel World." I had tons of suicidal ideation and even suicide notes. It was very, very dark and since I was so young it never occurred to me to be so cautious. My mom took it upon herself to burn everything that was perceived (and some that actually was) evil. I was embarrassed, humiliated, scared and resentful. But, I would do the same to my child if I suspected they were suicidal.

It did not lead to a hospital visit but it did eliminate my own room and kept me basically on lockdown. I don't ever want to experience that again regardless of how unwell I am.

I had the exact same stuff in my journals. After I got home from IP I burned them. It's a shame because they really did help me and I've tried to start journals here and there oNly to get paranoid and throw it away. The closest thing to a journal is the stuff I share on this forum really!

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

I don't get msgs unless the other person using tapatalk app!