Quote:
Originally Posted by brandon9
The issue is that even after I turn 18, I cannot have any form of relationship with Katie. My parents expressly forbid it because in their mind I am still living under their roof and in school, therefore subject to their strict rules about who I can and cannot hang out with (I am almost 18 and can't even go to a friends house without their parents being home. My mom calls.) They actually told me if they found out I was with Katie after I turn 18, they'll kick me out and I can "go live with her". Sadly I have to live with them until I'm almost 19 before I can transfer my A.S. to the 4-year university I want to attend because of some academic year gap requirement. I'm afraid of being disowned if I ever try to have a relationship with Katie, but I care so much about her and I feel torn between not wanting an estranged relationship with my parents, and having the relationship I desperately want with Katie.
|
I have a feeling I'm going to make no one happy with this response but what they heck...
My advice is to end it. It's not that I don't think she's good for you - I haven't formed an opinion on that. It's not that I think she's too old for you - she might be, but who am I to judge, the leap over the magic age of eighteen was actually worse when I met my wife and we've been happily married thirty years. And lastly, it's not because your I believe your parents are being reasonable about this because I don't think they are.
So why on earth am I suggesting you end it, you ask? Good question and I'll be frank with you - I don't want to tell you, but I will. But first you'll have to sit through this explanation of why I don't want to tell you (or skip below when I'm not looking).
I think you should end it because there's only one reason to throw away your whole life for a person - and that's because they are more important to you than everything in your life put together. You may think you're already there, but I disagree. Here's why:
My dad talked once for two hours straight. Once. In fact, he's never talked for more than fifteen minutes straight in his whole life. The two hour talk was telling me that there was no way, no how I was going to marry this girl. I listened to him because he had been, up until the time I met her, the only good and constant thing in my life. He was and remains a great father. At the end of his talk I calmly asked him if he was finished. He told me that he was. It was my turn and I talked for ten seconds. This is what I said, "Dad, I love you. I heard you out because I respect you. But if you make me make a choice, you're not going to like my choice. Accept her out of your love for me, or good-bye."
Nothing mattered but the girl. Not school, which I gave up by the way, not family, not a home to live in - nothing. You explained in good detail, what you are feeling and how much she means to you but at no time did you mention that you were ready to lose everything to gain everything. That tells me that this relationship isn't the one. Because when you find the right one - nothing else matters. Nothing is a sacrifice. Nothing is off the table.
Now you could go ahead and decide to go my route but I'm going to hope you don't. Because if she was the one, you wouldn't need advice - you would have already known what to do.