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Originally Posted by LorrieTorrie
This is where I get confused. Looking back I see clearly that I've had issues with impulse control and bouts of depression as well as anxiety, however I'm not sure they were actual cycles. It's more like I can be impulsive then depressed then impulsive all in one day. I was diagnosed as Borderline initially, then with Cyclothymia, then Bipolar I, now I find out my Vitamin D level is a 7.6. Mental health frustrates me, because of the lack of concrete exams. I'm just so frustrated and confused.
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There is no pathology, just a DSM guideline for clinicians. Many conditions mimic others - I was originally thought to be BPD but then given a concrete BP based on further analysis. My p-doc was patient with me and I was patient with him. Often, these things take some time to play out. I take lithium along with Depakote now and they're working fairly well.
I used to say "this is just who I am" or "this is what I need to do to function and be productive." I didn't believe there was anything wrong. But as you suggested, when we get to the point of clarity, we all take some inventory of what we did in the past and look at it objectively. For me, as I looked back, it all made sense. I was undiagnosed for almost 30 years (I am 50 now) and my patterns of behavior when I was younger are classic BP2 - ranting, hurried and pressured speech, paranoia, quick ups and downs, unpredictability, impulsive and unreasonable anger, and regret over it all.
A suggestion......something that was *very* helpful for me. Talk to people close to you and those you trust (loved ones, family) and ask them if a diagnosis of BP makes sense to them. For me, my dad and my wife were able to immediately understand it and directly connect BP to me and how I used to behave.
OK good luck, Sister LorrieTorrie.