Quote:
Originally Posted by gina_re
This is the story of my life to an extent. I spent my middle and high school years looking for my bff but never clicked with anyone. I've always felt like an outcast, but even the friends I do have now (I'm 33), I still don't have anyone I can completely be myself around. Each one gets a different version of me. I'm tired of trying to force that bff concept on people now, someone to be myself around and can help me through difficult times without begging and feeling needy. So I've put up a huge wall to not let anyone get too close to hurt me ever again. So I journal to let the intense feelings out (but I rarely go back and read them). It's exhausting..
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My bbfs always abandoned me so I quit letting people close. I know how that hurt feels. I don't have in person friends, I have online friends. I can't relax and be myself around people. Too much. Not my inner self. But I guess my coworkers are friends. I asked one to hang out once and he looked panicked so I've never asked anyone since. Its like nope not opening myself to that pain. I belong to an online roleplay community. That's where I have met my online friends. But I don't tell most of them when I am unstable. Or suicidal. I keep that to myself.