As the years roll on with T, the more I feel closer to her. There's a history between us now. Sometimes the T mask drops and I see her. Just for a moment.
Last night I dreamt T was massaging me. I felt the tingle, then she just upped and left the room. There was that mixed feeling of disappointment and shame. Shame that I'd let T see I enjoyed it.

It's this kind of stuff I find the hardest to talk to T about.
T once said, I allow her to help me as long as we never talk about it. She was right