Warning: this is a long *** post. Feel free to skip to the bottom where I ask for advice.

I wasn't sure if I should of updated my last thread about being under the influence or not so I'm going to start a new one. It doesn't seem like this subforum is getting much action so I'm hoping this doesn't go unread. As some of you may know, I'm currently physically addicted to Suboxone and I've been abusing my prescribed stimulants. Well guess what happened when I tried to take a few days off of the vyvanse? Physical withdrawal. Another addiction to add to the list. And Im F¥c%*ng scared. I've never done meth but from what I've read, I'm going through what a person kicking meth would be going through. I'm severely fatigued and depressed. I was sent home from work early and slept from 12pm-7am the next morning. I woke up once to cry. The rest of the week at work was pure torture. I had to wear layers upon layers of clothing to keep warm and I was nodding out like a heroin addict. I'm lucky I still have a freaking job. Oh and a side note, I took a whole suboxone yesterday. So much for cutting down. Then today before work I opened my damn medicine cabinet and popped a few stimulants. A few won't hurt... Until a few turned into almost the rest of the bottle. And no I did NOT take enough to OD so don't think that. So there I was at work today. Back to my old self. Flying around like crazy, sweating, talking way too much. Too fast. It must be obvious that I'm on drugs. It has to be. Then hours later, after work, came the come down. I cried for hours and hours (about legitimate things that are happening in my life).

So I'm giving in. I WANT help. I am unable to do this on my own. Going away for 90 days is not my thing. What I would agree to is a rapid detox in a hospital like I did with alcohol. And hey I haven't drank since! BUT! Here's the problem... My boss (a cardiologist) has access to all and any medical records online because he is affiliated with the hospitals around here. And even if I went to a hospital an hour away, as long as the medical records are electronic (which they all are now) he'd be able to see. And if he found out I was in the hospital detoxing, I would for sure lose my job. They would find some way to get me out trust me! They already hate me there. Now I guess I could go to a detox center but what would I tell my work?! I can NOT lose this job. Right now my house is on the line. I could lose it to auction very soon so I have to work.

So here is something else that came to mind. Could I possibly do this by myself at home and still work? Do I even have the willpower? Probably not. Thank god I have risperdal because that has helped with withdrawal symptoms in the past. But then there's the diarrhea, shaking, cold sweats. No way could I go to work like that. Maybe I can find a dr that could prescribe me something to help me and write me a drs note for work? But I don't know many docs that are willing to let their patients withdrawal by themselves at home. I think I'm legitimately screwed here.

I think my only option is to go back to tapering off the suboxone and dealing with the fatigue of stimulant withdrawal and force myself to go to work? I know that anyone that is reading this is going to tell me it's a very bad idea but I feel it's my only option and I just HAVE to force myself to do this!

What would help me out is advice from anyone that has ever went through opiate, suboxone, meth, stimulants (adderall ect) withdrawal. Right now I have 3 vyvance left that I plan to use to taper down and a third of suboxone for the same. Also have Tylenol 3's for when I'm out of the suboxone. I have seroquel for sleep, risperdal, ativan that will probably come to use. Thanks in advanced and I really hope someone, anyone, can help.

Trileptal 600mg BID
Buspar 45mg
Seroquel 150-300mg for sleep
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvanse 70mg
Risperdal 4-6mg PRN

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