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Originally Posted by lolagrace
My T has definitely instructed me and I don't find that at all offensive. I clearly had things I needed to learn. Most of what he helped me learn had to do with skills concerning processing automatic thought, mistaken beliefs, etc. It certainly isn't all we did in therapy, but those skills were probably the bedrock of information that I had to learn to internalize so that I could function with more stability, less depression, less anxiety. Those skills are what I carried out of those sessions and into my everyday life and functioning. Those skills are what I realize now I use each and every day in some way even now that I am no longer in therapy. Yes, I could have read about them in a book (I did, in fact), but reading and comprehending skills is not at all the same thing as actually applying those skills with consistency over a long period of time so that they become internalized across one's life. That's where the long-term therapy, support, and practice, practice, practice with my therapist was so vital for me.
Do I think everyone goes to therapy to learn? No. But for me, learning was a very large aspect of my therapy: often very informally; sometimes rather methodically.
I agree. It wasn't teaching and learning like a classroom. My T didn't sit there and impart knowledge while I passively sat and learned. Not at all. It was more like a hands-on laboratory where I was my subject and I was the student very in charge of my learning. My therapist was more the guide on the side (to use very overused teacher-talk), watching, helping me clarify, offering suggestions and options, helping me reframe and redirect when I lost my way or was confused, reteaching when needed, etc.
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Always appreciate your posts, Lola. This is very nicely put. I agree there's something different about learning in person vs from a book--it helps bridge that transition from intellectually knowing something to actually believing it, practicing it, internalizing it. I'm glad you've found it helpful in that respect. Thanks again!
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket
"Is there something inherently offensive about the idea that you're struggling because there's something you haven't learned yet? That a T can either provide that missing information or discover it with you or help you find it on your own?"
Yes. It starts therapy off with a client=broken/therapist=savior approach.
One may learn things during therapy. I have learned one or two myself. But the idea as you phrase it suggests deliberate instruction, like the therapist has a syllabus and a lesson plan for the client. The learning should be incidental, like an insight you have when reading a great novel.
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Thanks for this perspective, ATAT! Funny, I've never equated needing instruction/insight/information as being broken. Or possessing information making one a savior. I've never thought the idea of my needing information as implying there's something
wrong with me. I agree, though, that my phrasing might sound formal, and therapist as teacher w/ syllabus doesn't quite describe my experience, either. I wonder, if the learning is incidental (as indeed some if not much of my own learning had been) does that mean the T doesn't instruct? Hmm...
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Originally Posted by Pennster
I feel more like I go to therapy to work than to learn. I feel more like we work together on things rather than that he's instructing me. For me therapy is more about unresolved grief and past trauma. On the grief stuff in particular, I don't think there's anything he can teach me (and I'm not convinced he knows more than me about it). I need someone to be with me in it.
I love education, and I love learning. I just don't think that's what my therapy is about. For me, therapy is more about feeling. I do think he's helping to reset my brain, but it's a squishier thing than instruction.
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Thanks for this! I agree it's pretty difficult to shove grief and loss into an instructional mold. It's hard for me to imagine a therapist (or anyone, for that matter) as possessing some secret information that makes everything better.
I'm glad you brought up trauma, because I've had an idea rattling around in my brain that I'm having trouble articulating...I wonder if part of the reason people balk at the idea that lack of information/need of instruction as the cause (and therefore remedy) of a problem is because they assume that the lack of information is the sole cause or initiating cause of the problem. Take trauma--yeah, I can see being offended if someone tells you that you're struggling due to lack of information. **** that. You're struggling because you've been traumatized. And that had to do with someone else being an asshole and not with you lacking information.
But does that mean there's nothing you can learn which will help ease the pain? I think even my T's just being there with my pain teaches me something--that it can be weathered. That trauma is not, after all, unspeakable. That revealing it doesn't infect who I am as a person or make me disgusting. In this way, I think my problems around trauma were caused at least in part by lacking information--I lacked the information that the traumatic event(s) didn't make me vile. I needed to learn--to be instructed--that I was not unlovable because of them.
But, yeah, this is all quite "squishier" than the word "instruction" would suggest.
Thanks again.
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Originally Posted by spring2014
hi mobile,
my therapist instruct on what I should be doing outside of counseling as well during my counseling sessions. it her way to teach me new things in counseling as well as I do them outside of counseling. she also teaches psycho- educational classes for those who are assigned by the courts to go to parenting classes and drug and alcohol rehab classes as well as shoplifters classes .
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Psychoeducation is awesome! I don't consider myself an uneducated person, but there was PLENTY I didn't know about anxiety, depression, mental illness, trauma, addiction...and skills to cope with these things. I'm glad you've benefited from this overt instruction. I have, too.
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Originally Posted by Starry_Night
There are many things my therapist has needed to teach me. I find it helplful.
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Me, too
Glad it's worked out!
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Originally Posted by AllHeart
I've always viewed my t as a teacher, just not in the traditional sense of course. To say she instructs and educates sounds so formal. My t arms me with knowledge and shares her wisdom with me which has provided me with a healthier, more accepting view of myself and the rest of the world. What she is ultimately teaching me is how to live a meaningful, fulfilling life as a better human being.
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Thanks for this, AllHeart! I agree. "Instruct" and "educate" do sound very formal--and passive, as though you go to a once-weekly lecture where someone else tells you all about yourself! I'm glad you feel your T has had something to teach you. I feel that way, too.
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Originally Posted by spring2014
hi starry night,
me too .my therapist taught me cbt , rebt , and she taught me to do dual awareness . I learned a lot from my therapist over the past year and four months that I have been working with her. her experience with being a counselor that has a nursing background has given my therapist the knowledge to share about nutrition,exercise , and medication gives her the title of being an experienced registered nurse to her title as well as a LPC . she is also teaches psycho-educational classes as well as being a counselor. she specializes in anxiety, depression, relationships, adjustments to life changes and promoting strengths for personal growth .
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Sweet!
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Originally Posted by feralkittymom
I've never thought of teaching and learning as opposing functions. To me they go hand in hand, and one can't advance without the other. I don't know how I could learn about myself without teaching my T about me; I don't know how my T could teach me without learning from me. I don't find shame in learning, so also don't find offense in teaching.
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Very nicely put! I'm almost jealous I didn't think of it first. Somebody needs to turn "I don't find shame in learning or offense in teaching" into a bumper sticker or something. I agree they go hand-in-hand, most especially in a therapy setting. Thanks again!