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drummergrl said:
But I would never go back to the grave to see him. My mothers ashes are buried with him. That's ironic for me. go figure.

Who has the last laugh in these situations? No one!! I cry
sometimes cause I wanted my mother to PROTECT me from him, and yet it seems like she threw me to him.

Can I ask you something KD??? DID SHE DO THIS SUBCONSCIOUSLY/ OR SO HE'D STAY WITH HER????
I like to think she didn't realize what she did............and who she did it to????

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Drummer, I took excerpts from your post because they are so much like my own story. My mother is buried on top of the grandmother, two story grave. I never go to my mother's grave anymore because if I leave flowers, they're on "her" grave, too. I don't talk to my mother at her grave anymore, either, because "she'd" be there to hear, too. The last time I went, years ago, I desecrated the grave. Not a lasting desecration, but just the same.

The last three weeks of the old crone's life were complete misery for her, and like I said, she died screaming. Good! I hope she was seeing the horrors of hell that awaited her!

The only way I could get rid of her face in my memory, my fear and loathing of her, was through guided imagery. My T talked me through it and had me shove her over a cliff. It took three times before she stopped coming back over the cliff to take me with her.

I wanted my mother to PROTECT me from HER... not imagined men friends of my mothers! She never remarried because she "didn't want to bring the wolf into the house." HA! The ****** wolf was ALREADY IN the house and had already done her damage!!!! GAWD!!!! What was my mother thinking?????? Was she totally blind?? I told my mother how "she" would try to go through my bedroom to the front door while I was dressing to go to school and would throw a complete hemorrage when I locked my doors so I could dress without her looking at me and who knows what else!!! She could have gone through the dinning room and front room!! All my mother said was "Ignore her." IGNORE her?? All that was keeping that door locked was a skeleton key!! All that was between me and her nasty, filthy probing hands was a door!! IGNORE HER?????

I don't know if it was subconcious or not with your mother or mine. Maybe it was denial. But HOW, WHY??? Where was their mother instinct to PROTECT their daughter??

To this day, I know my mother made a conscious choice between her mother and me. She chose her sick, perverted mother over the innocent child she gave birth to that she thought she could never have! God have mercy on her soul!