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CuriouslyCrazy · Feb 14, 2016, 01:11 PM

Happy Valentine's Day!

Sorry to be such a downer on a day like today, but I'm not doing well. I’ve been depressed for a little over 2 weeks now after a manic episode. I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar since I started seeing my T, but I kept refusing to see a psychiatrist and try medication because I thought I could manage my symptoms. Well, I finally decided to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to try medication, but the appointment isn’t until March 4 and I pushed to even get that date. And everyday is getting so much harder. Mix the depressed mood with the absolutely no energy and the constant crying spells, and you have a mess. This past week has been horrible.

Possible trigger:

I just want to let go. I don’t want to deal with people. I don’t want to deal with my symptoms. I don’t want to deal with having bipolar. I just can’t. And my mind keeps going in circles about how much better off I would be if I wasn’t here; how much better off everyone else would be. I know it’s probably the depression talking, but I just don’t know how I’m going to get through this. This is the first time that I have thought of a plan, but I don’t think that I would actually go through with it. I’m trying to stay away from any drugs or alcohol to prevent any impulsiveness.

I'm trying anything I can to keep myself together, to keep my head on straight. I’m trying to keep things under control. I’ve felt bad before, but never this bad. I just keep telling myself that I have to make it to the appointment.

Any suggestions or comments about what's helped you when you were depressed are greatly appreciated.